Issue 1: The Trojanpoclypse - Part 3: President Earth and Traditions of Planet XRS-250

President Earth is sitting in his office, looking at a hologram on his desk. He turns to the Secretary of Earth Defense, who doesn’t actually do anything since The Elders offered full protection of the Earth from alien invasions. However, it was tradition to have a Secretary of Earth Defense, so 10 billion Chronos were wasted on his salary per year. Hooray for tradition.

“What do you think of this Trojanpocalypse, as the ICNB is calling it? Clever name, by the way.” President Earth said. His real name is Orwell Stripes, but it is also tradition to just call the ruler of the world President Earth. The Earth isn’t even called Earth anymore, in fact, it’s called XRS-250, renamed by The Elders.

“I think it sucks.” The Secreatary of Earth Defense replies. “It may just spell the end of our world economy as we know it.”

“You’re right, if we don’t stop the Trojan default, the entire world economy might collapse. If that happens, everyone in the world will be out of jobs. If that happens everyone will be poor and start killing each other for cultured bread. But there won’t be cultured bread because the scientists that create cultured bread will be out of jobs. Then we’ll all starve and die. If the Trojans default, we’re all going to starve and die! We must take immediate action so we don’t die!” President Earth exclaims.

The Secretary loses his cool.

“Well what are we going to do? How are we going to stop this impending doom?” The Secretary gazes at President Earth with expectant eyes, like a little boy waiting for his father to come home.

“I don’t know, what does your expertise tell you, Mr. Secretary?” President Earth asks, blissfully unaware that the Secretary doesn’t actually have any “expertise” on the matter, or any expertise at all, for that matter.

“What if we use the money we don’t have to bail them out of defaulting on the bailout we already gave them? Then we can charge them even more money that they don’t to pay us back for both bailouts. That’s a nice permanent solution to this problem.” The Secretary suggests.

President Earth turns to the Secretary of Earth Defense.

“That’s genius. It’s practically foolproof! I’ll alert the press of our amazing plan immediately.” President Earth says excitedly.